s-mate and i apparently went back together. i can't say i love him that's why i can't leave him, but sometimes i wonder what makes me cling to this "relationship" when i know for a fact that i can't expect anything more than yum-yum from him. maybe it's the convenience. all i have to do is call him whenever i wanna feel loved, call him whenever i want "it", call him whenever i'm drunk... call him anytime and he's there! i must admit though that there are times that i also get hurt with him-- times when i wanted more from him and he can't fulfill or reach my expectations. i can't see myself with him or growing old with him but at this point in time i don't want to lose him. i want him, i guess i need him also.

haaay, how i wish i could end this thing with s-mate. ours is not a "healthy relationship" but obviously very convenient. i'm still hoping that the right person for me would come, and i don't want that right man to be him! no, never! he is not the right man for me 'coz he will always be the wrong one! what we have now is perfect but i don't see it as a lifetime partnership.